we have officially lost it.
Porn is love you can see.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
someone owes me an orgasm
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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