while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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