Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
