Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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