As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
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