Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I think I sprained my soul last night
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
