Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
He better not be in your backpack
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize