why do cheetos always look like penises
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
