my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
