I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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