Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
