Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
