He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
