i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I love you. Go after that dick
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
