Joe is yelling at the trees again.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
