so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
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