singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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