every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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