he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
