Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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