i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
