Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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