Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
