I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
