my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
