how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Randomize
