New low: just hacked my moms facebook
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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