how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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