their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
