a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
