Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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