his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize