bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
