Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
What a dumb baby whore.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
