I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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