I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
