After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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