just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
