So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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