he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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