Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
