Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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