I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
high people should be assigned attendants
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
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