I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
North Korea, Best Korea!
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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