what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
