I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize