Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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