The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
