about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
