Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
