I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
