we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
