i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
do nipples grow back?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize