I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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