:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
