I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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