She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
