this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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