hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
