Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
