A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
