i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
At least life still wants to fuck me.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
