she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Randomize
